I Miss Him, But Talking to Him Scares Me.

I messaged him, not sure why, but I did.

Even more confused why I was upset when he responded.

We talked for a few days, about important things – nothing small.

Conversation seemed drawn out, hoping to keep it going – while hiding from him the length I had fallen.

The fact that I hadn’t made it back up yet, still at the bottom.

The fact that still I miss him and think of him everyday.

The main subject – where we would be this summer.

Before, we had planned to be together.

Now, our paths have separated – it feels like we have to stay apart.

I haven’t decided where I am off to yet, and he hasn’t either.

Almost, like we are waiting for the other to make the decision so we can follow.

So we can end up together.

He wants to talk on the phone.

I’m not ready.

I’m not ready to see his face again.

No FaceTime.

I’m not ready to hear his voice again.

No call.

No call?

I am scared I will fall again.

I am still at the bottom of the cliff – the cliff that I fell from the first time.

The cliff I have tried so hard to climb back up.

I have only been able to walk around it.

Hiding on the other side, far from the second cliff that is calling my name.

I am scared, I will fall again – if I talk to you.