For lent this year I didn’t give anything up.
My body has been crying for me to stop
This Lent, I am going to take care of myself. I am going to help myself come back to life. This may seem like the most simple thing, but it has been difficult for me lately. I have been struggling to get out of bed and make healthy choices. It is time that I put the nicotine away and leave it there. My body has been crying for me to stop, waking up with a hurting throat and acne all over. My body is whispering with a need to move more. The unapproachable gym is looking more approachable. My mind is weeping and lashing out in my sleep. It is time for a change.
I am choosing to take control
It is not for me anymore and will not hurt me anymore. This may seem simple to many others, but for me… nicotine has been a safety net. Nicotine has comforted me when times were rough, when I was stressing, struggling, or even when I was thriving. I first got started on it because of my work environment, stayed attached when I went to college because my friends were doing it, and kept smoking…. well, simply because I am addicted.
Now after years of smoking, behind my family’s back, alone in the corner while I felt as though it was the center of my life, I am choosing to take control. I am NOT going to run to my room anymore to get a quick buzz which takes away my time from my family.
the best version of my physical self
Oh the wonderful gym where you can become the best version of your physical self. The place where I have wanted to be for so long, but couldn’t get myself to go. I say that I don’t have time, but really I just spend that time sitting on my phone or doing meaningless things. That time for the gym, that time is going to be spent working on being the best version of myself.
I will look back and see how strong I was
I have dreamt of my worries, my struggles, and my fears which I am now going to leave on paper. The wonderful paper will keep them safe and I will be able to sleep peacefully again. I haven’t slept peacefully since I stopped journaling and it is very sad and nerve-wracking getting back into it. Will my future self be upset with what my past self said or did? I think that I will look back and see how strong I was.
It is going to be a wild and wonderful ride
It is going to be a wild and wonderful ride. Yes I may cry, I may lay in bed wondering why. In the end, I will come out the best version of myself.
Who Knew? 